A Dead One's Tale.

The world around him was a blur as he fled from them, as if he was looking at a canvas splashed with random colors through teary eyes. Their footsteps were nearing and he almost gave up. If he did not get back then he would end up being just another one felled by them, another damned fool who couldn’t survive the onslaught of the self-proclaimed mightiest creatures, a forgotten warrior. He scoffed mentally and powered by adrenalin dashed on. Slowly the noises chasing him faded away into the distance.

They had done everything to defeat and destroy his kind. They had created weapons that glowed bright and made him sick. But his kind had endured and every time they became immune, new devious devices of murder were devised. His enemies were lightning quick and he knew of many warriors, friends, beings he respected who had fallen to their guile. There were tales of the bravest of his kind being tortured and toyed with before being murdered and of a deadly weapon which came with an electric blue buzz and took your soul with it. Where do these tales come from he wondered because as far as he knew no one who had been caught alive had escaped death.

He was safe now and he knew. He was breathing heavily. The magnitude of what he had done struck him now and he smiled as he splashed water on his face. The years of war with them had taken his toll on him. His once handsome face was now marred with bruises. He knew that his time to stop and stay away from all this violence had come, the time to watch the young battle on from the sidelines. But he would do it again, one last time, he promised himself and for the first time in all these years he knew who his victim would be.

His tribe had now scented his arrival and the children were milling about. They looked at him with reverent admiration. He was their hero. The warrior who hadn’t fallen. He took out his weapon and cleaned the blood off. It gleamed as the first light of the day trickled in through the treetops. The crowd cheered and parted as he walked towards the chief’s house. He was sure that the chief would respect his decision to quit. He looked longingly at the blade that had stood by him so long. It would draw blood one last time tonight. He would now catch a few hours of sleep and stealthily shadow his victim.

He watched from the tree cover and saw her. He hated their kind but there was no denying the fact that she was beautiful. Her chiseled face almost perfectly matched her slim physique. Her turquoise-blue eyes twinkled as she smiled. Her dark blonde wavy hair, untied, danced magnificently as she walked gracefully. The walk of a ballerina. She would be any artist’s dream he thought as he stayed close. Her only flaw was that she was the princess of the land of his foes and she would pay for that. An evil smile flickered across his face as he picturized the act he was about to commit. She would pay in blood, no they would pay in blood, he whispered to himself. He found her quarters and walked back. A quick sleep was now in order. He would wait for the light to fade.

As night fell he steeled himself. This would be his best strike, his swansong, his masterpiece. He emptied the glass of Jack Daniels and walked into the night. It was a full moon. The shadows of trees created menacing shadows on the walls as he climbed easily. The guards hadn’t seen him and he would make sure they would not. He entered her room easily through the window. He drew his weapon and walked to her bed. Beads of sweat lined his face as he saw her face. The monster in him was now alive. The monster that had slain so many that he sometimes lost count. He had victimized women, children, even babies without mercy. His face was now close to hers, his ugly breath fondled her hair which flew as if in fear. The misty moonlight trickling in through the window made his weapon gleam and filled the room with a gloomy glow. Nature was silent as if awaiting the death of a beloved creature. The air was electric and made her hair stand on ends. She murmured something as she rolled to a side, half asleep. He took one last longing look at her and breathlessly raised his weapon.

Time stood still, afraid to move. She woke up and rolled as he struck, his eyes were bloodshot, everything had gone wrong. His weapon was awash with blood, his own blood. He was crushed. This was bad and he knew it. There would be no getting out of this alive. He buzzed about and tried to fly away but he couldn’t. He had failed. He had ended up dead. Just another dead mosquito who would be missed for a day or two. His wings could flutter no more and he hit the ground and slowly his grip on his beloved blade loosened. The mosquito coil let off incessant flames that would no longer make him cough.

Purpose...

It was this strange Saturday morning, those kind of mornings when you wake up before anyone expects you to, when an unfamiliar tint of sunlight falls on your face and makes you pull the sheet over your eyes expecting to catch the next reel of that dream you were going through, but sleep simply doesn't oblige. When you close your eyes and make an almighty effort to cajole your brain to go back to sleep. Your brain is all hazy, insanely random, almost as if you caught your haloed agenda-setter up there off guard. Yeah, you get the drift now don't you? This post dwells on the happenings of such a time.

Usually I get over such days by subjecting myself to steaming coffee, the newspaper and sometimes the buzzing sound that emanates from the telly when the channels are switched far too fast. This is to ensure that the angel (who handles my file) , miffed but aware of my early day, gets some time to cram in a few engagements and save her day and mine. But on this particular day, it was not to be. The newspaper was conspicuously absent and the telly signal died inexplicably. Coffee was had on the veranda, precautionary measure just in a case an alien attack occurred, every omen of which was currently prevalent. Even the coffee eddies were casting eerie UFO shadows on the brick wall. Dirty black clouds ambled by and every peep of blue sky promised 'em saucers firing massive missiles and reducing everything to rubbish. However the much anticipated attack did not happen and I, much pissed by the agenda maker's delay and the absence of aliens, decided to take a detour to the loo.

Two kinds of people populate this world of ours, those who read in the loo and those who don't. I belong to the former with a few huge gray areas. But the absence of a good read in the near vicinity and lack of cohesive thinking made me decide that I could make do without one. Habitually I pass time on such non-reading days by thinking of mundane issues like how Carmen Electra and Gemma Atkinson would look without the silicone, who is the inspiration behind Savita Bhabhi, trying to anagram the latest crush's name et al. Logical conclusions from such thoughts had the unerringly same probability of 1/infinity every single time. But then this day we are talking about is different, is it not?

It soon became obvious that I hadn't had enough fibres (Constipated. Yes.), which grant me even more time to think. I began thinking about what I do all day long and the purpose of it all. The lion's share of my day is devoted to movies, music, counter strike,random reads, the internet and college. Movies, music,books and counter strike are mere means of pleasure, things that serve no purpose other than keep me occupied. What do I gain from reading a good book or seeing a good movie? Nothing other than sheer joy and sometimes a confusing-apparently enlightening message. And of course the bragging rights ("God-awesome movie me' brother! You didn't see it yet? The shame!"). Social networking is really "too many people doing things that they don't necessarily love to win the attention and admiration of people they don't really give a shit about." (I have this 'you ripped it off' feeling about that line. So ).

College is an entirely different story altogether. There are friends, there is the meaningless fun, the momentary madness-es, the mindless ogling but at the end of the day its boring, drab, ridiculously overrated and unsatisfactory ('Go get a girlfriend' suggestions are not welcome. Thank you!). And I really don't understand the point of studying a curriculum that is a light year behind what is in vogue. It is akin to tweeting depending on a year-old trending list. Makes you look like the fool that you probably are. And what is after college? I cannot think of one thing that I would enjoy doing for 30,000 hours (Roughly 5 hours a day, 200 days a year, 30 years). Except, maybe if I could land Hugh Hefner's job. That is a ridiculously long shot, almost like Tiger Woods playing with only 18 holes.

While I was thinking all this the angel up there (she is 36-24-36, intelligent, pretty, sensible and has beautiful hair and Katie Melua's eyes) filled my file and hit refresh. The constipated feeling fled and the pleasant feeling of having an intentionally-empty stomach dawned. The much rejuvenated me thereafter logically concluded that everything I thought up was when I was high on shit anyway, flushed (my mind and the toilet) and got the hell out of there. The day was now quite ordinary now. The kind when you let your brain dictate the ways and block out your mind. When you squint at the sunlight and not feel its pleasant warmth on your skin. When you cuss at the tramp for wasting your time and not think about how lucky you are.

I might not have posted this, had it been another day. But it was this strange day....

The Nephew's Name- A Shenoy.

William D Reams was a satisfied man as he sweated out on the Boston marathon course. Life, as they say, had been very kind to him. He was a successful businessman, had a beautiful family he cherished, was healthy and athletic and had more money than he could hope to spend. What more could a recently retired man hope for? And today he was accomplishing a task that he had set for himself 25 years back, to finish the Boston marathon, counted among the toughest in the world.

Will had retired one month ago as one of the most successful CEOs of Specific Lodge publishing house. Will had married his college sweetheart Cheryl and had two kids. His son Joshua ran his own weapons manufacturing company and his daughter Emma was a super model. They were all there cheering and egging him on to finish the grueling run.

As he ran in the sun drenched path, music streaming into his ears, he thought of all the people who had made him what he was, who were inseverable parts of his universe. His dad David, mom Patricia and his brother Kenny. His heart skipped a beat as he thought of Kenny. As children Will and Ken were inseparable. Both were brilliant and extremely popular. Kenny had gone on to become a respected mathematician. Then, tragedy struck.

Ken was accused of murdering his colleague and stealing his work. Will stood by his brother steadfastly and told everyone who cared to listen that his brother was innocent. But Ken was convicted. Three months into his painful incarceration, Ken escaped and disappeared with his wife. He had heard from anonymous sources that Ken was in North Korea but didn’t know what to believe. He missed his brother dearly but believed firmly that one day their paths were destined to cross.

Tears were now streaming down his cheeks but he brushed them aside and jogged on. Running beside him now was a fine young man,barely 20. Will looked at his fellow runner’s face and saw an unmistakable similarity to his brother. Confused, he looked down and glanced his play list and a flicker of joy, of madness, of sheer pleasure crossed his eyes. He ran over and asked “Tell me boy, aren’t you Boole? And isn’t your father Ken D Reams?” The boy was shocked but replied in the affirmative.

Each man’s face was awash with tears of joy as introductions were made, love renewed and stories shared. Will learn that his brother had indeed gone to N. Korea where he was welcomed by the dictator Ping Pong Ill, he now held a high post in dear leader’s office. They completed the marathon together and promised to keep in touch. Soon it was time for Boole to leave. As he waved goodbye he asked Will “Tell me uncle, how did you know that my name was Boole?” Will smiled and replied, “I just knew my boy.”

Will had decided that he would take the secret behind how he found his nephew’s name to his grave. He stepped into his car and played the song that was now his favorite and was washed over by Billy Joe Armstrong’s voice

“Boole-ward of bro-Ken D Reams….”


FAQs

1. Who is Shenoy? Ans. The Master Yoda!
2. What is Shenoy? Ans. This and this.

End of the reel credits.

To Sriram and Van winkle for um telling me what Shenoys are by writing this and this.
To Narendra Shenoy for 'Autobiography of an ordinary man'.
To Dear Leader for er nothing in particular.

P.S. This is a newbie’s first attempt at a Shenoy. Please forgive shortcomings. :)

Excuse Me, I Want to Pee

I’m reading something, checking messages and looking at the TV occasionally when the newsreader (who is really pathetic) mouths something that interests me. Sis is sitting in front of me reading a newspaper (Not sure which day) folded at least 6 times, listening to music (some stupid guy singing in a breathless voice about his girl if you ask me), checking the TV when I point and laughing at the occasional stupid joke I make. And of course we are eating. Typical dinner time at my place. Mom brings in the food and shouts at us for not eating properly (Read respect to food) “You will eat a lizard and would’t notice. Why should I make such good food? You don’t care. It’s been years since I got a compliment“. I signal sis and she mumbles something about great masala. It is near about this point that mom comes and tells us that Uncle X, Aunt Y and Cousin Z are dropping in tomorrow. I nod and murmur “Oh. Good thing it has been really really long since I saw Z. One of my favorite cousins. All those fun times we had during summer holidays.” Then I look at sis to mirror my feelings which she usually does at dinner times and found her looking stunned. She stuttered “Unc...Uncle X. Oh god! “. I said “Whoa. Nice expression” and went back to reading the book, having dinner I mean of course. Mom and Sis went on for sometime about Uncle X. I naturally don’t catch anything from the exchange (Bloody concentration you see) and that my dear readers, is basically what spawned the happenings that this post reveals.

So tomorrow arrived and I was lying on the sofa reading something listening to something (a la Dwayne in Little Miss Sunshine)*Door bell rings* ignore *Rings again* continue ignoring. Mom runs to the door throwing a dirty look at me for not answering the door. I find that sis also has also responded to the sound of the door bell surprisingly fast and is strangely wearing a churidar and shawl. I guffaw when I see that she has applied oil in her hair in large quantities. She scans me (Unkempt hair. Bermuda. Some crappy T-shirt. Smell of dry sweat. Vagabond-ish to be precise) and gives me a sinister grin. Then uncle, aunt and cousin come in. I nod, smile and wink at the cousin who suddenly looks aghast, turns light yellow, gives me a look that clearly says –WTF- and looks at her dad. (Alright the cousin is a girl and she is like one year younger than me and we haven’t seen each other for about 10 years. But for old times sakes c’mon.) I look at my sis with a –wtf- expression and catch her rolling eyes upwards. I jump up immediately (Respect for elders. Sigh!) But alas it is just too late. Uncle has already spotted me and looking at me with utter disdain. It makes me wonder if I just got caught sneaking into the girls room in school.

Anyways they settle down and engage mom in some relatives-gone-bad bashing. I sulk at the corner and vent my frustration by staring at the cousin, who is still not looking at me, for spurning my wink. Then they talk about religion (Basically about our religion being superior and others being stupid) and finally Uncle X turns to me and says “So what do you think of religion son?” I turn to sis for advice and find her busy in a staring contest with the floor. I mumble some pseudo-intelli stuff like “Ah I just believe in a power above us. Don’t believe in the concept of religions and stuff.” Uncle “So you don’t think marrying out of our religion is bad? Will you be as comfortable in a church as in a temple?” Me “Yea. Yea. Oh yea sure!” Mom and Aunt look at each other and nod gravely. The cousin finally looks at me, but like I’m some alien. I look at sis and find her still busy with the competition (I do think that I caught the shadow of a smile). Uncle’s jaw has dropped a good couple of inches. Uncle now turns his attention fully to me and says “Watch your mouth boy. God hears what you say.” And asks me “So what is your greatest ambition?” I scratch my jaws and think of everything I have wanted. A date with Emma Watson, an Audi R8 (Model gets updated every year.), thousand followers on twitter and the blog, a job with no responsibility that pays more than I can manage to spend, a chat with J.K Rowling (where I get the opportunity to tell her where she went wrong) and manage to get confused. So I just settle for the usual “Oh there is nothing like that.” A triumphant grin appears across uncle’s face *As if I had revealed which girl I wanted to spot in the girls room.*and he break into a banter about the ways of ‘this’ generation. That is a somewhat touchy subject as far as I and my sis are concerned and the house has turned into a fiery battlefield many a time about this issue (Okay we lost every time because mom threatened to stop cooking if we don’t stop. Except for this one time when we put our fingers in the ears and shrieked loudly ;)). I was about to reply when I caught my sis’s eye and something about it made me shut up. Somewhere between this my phone rings. James Hetfield shrieked “Gimme fuel. Gimme fire. Gimme that what I desire. Ohh yea yea.” I pick it up wave at them and talk. When I return uncle looks at me and says “Kids of today have no respect for elders. In my time we wouldn’t dare to sit or speak in front of elders.” And since everyone was staring at me I dutifully replied “Oh the elders of today don’t command that kind of respect. Now do they? And personally I feel that I can sit and talk to anyone whom I consider to be in or below my intellectual level.” As the temperature of the room dropped like a stone, I ran up after delivering my parting dialogue which I consider at par with Tarantino’s ones “Excuse me. But I want to pee!”


End of the Reel Credits
Metallica- For satiating our music needs.
Audi-For giving us those beasts.
JKR- For Harry Potter.
Tarantino- For being a smart ass!
Girl’s rooms- Sigh. For nothing particular.


Movie Dialogue I Like
From Reservoir Dogs:
If you shoot me in a dream you better wake up and apologize.

A Poem at Long Last !!

Although I was never a fan of poems I always knew that writing poems was far far more difficult than prose. That’s possibly the reason why I never ventured into poetry (or prose for that matter) other than the odd ones for the school magazine. Anyways I decided to write one for my Mom this Mothers Day and surprisingly it came out to be decent. Posting it here. Please forgive if I made any mistakes with the poetry basics.



This is a story from the yore,
Heard so often, it will make you bore.
But with me you will have to bear,
This one-time you will have to hear.

I speak of a lady able and fair,
Black as the night was her hair.
She came from a land rich and tolerant
Pure of heart she was clever and confident.

In her life came a valiant knight,
Like her, he too was full of light.
The beauty wedded the brilliant knight,
And there future seemed plenteous and bright.

Life was like a fairy tale,
They were together, hearty and hale.
To them were born two tiny tots,
It was another gift from Gods.

But then fate played its dirty game,
Alas, the dark days came.
The knight had to leave for distant lands,
For, his destiny was not in his hands.

It was a challenge that would leave others in tatters,
But she stood up and faced it without jitters.
She held the kids close to her heart,
And gave them wings and made them smart.

All I can do in return is thank from my heart,
For the love she has showered right from the start.
This lady I talk of is my mother dear,
I’ll love her endlessly till my soul stays here.



Love you mom.
P.S. I Love Comments !!!!!!

My Trysts with Beasts and the Like

In this post I intend to unravel before you the mystic and dangerous adventures from my life involving wild, untamed, fatal beasts. Those kinds of adventures where peril awaits you at every step where every shadow is alive and dangerous where every heartbeat leaves a thunderous echo where every second takes a lifetime to crawl by where only the headstrong survive and from where the lucky ones among them emerge. Yes readers today the curtain of secret will fall and the faded pages from the moth-ridden blood scarred books will be thrown open for you. Brace yourself.

Um never mind. This post is all about my dislike of pets especially dogs. Dislike is actually an understatement. My real feeling for dogs would be one of loathing hatred repugnance. Yes sir I’m heavily prejudiced against them (One helluva prejudice too).Allow me to share with you the hilarious (but very horrendous) happening(s) which took place when I was about 12 that led to this aversion. Let me introduce the characters:

1. Yours truly: (*Let me indulge in some self-pampering*) The hero and chief character. Possesses seemingly endless patience. Takes everything with a smile. *crap you know all this already right?*. Only, pampering pets isn’t his pet peeve.

2. My neighbor: The baddie. Smiles limited to lopsided smirk. Tramples the flowers on the road. Hides the cricket balls which fall in his yard (*sob sob*). Does everything in his power to test the hero’s patience. His favorite indulgence was pampering his pup.

3. His dog: The WMD. The filthy means by which he spread his villainies. A mighty german shepherd which was in my view as filthy as his master but truly brainless and a glutton (as if there are dogs which go on diets)

Master and crony were seemingly inseparable and so I wasted no chance whatsoever to hurt the latter. I managed to snare him into traps often and once even managed to make him drink one of em special potions of mine (oh nothing special just a concoction of chilly powder and water). If there was nothing else I could do I would throw a stone and do my victory jig which consisted of a jump in the air a swirl and a shout that resembled whoop. I would remember the “Every Dog Has Its Day” proverb without fail during these little antics of mine but I would pooh-pooh it thinking something along it’s a stupid proverb after all now innit. But then the day came alright. *Okay I concede that some of these actions sound mean and reckless but you should’ve seen what a mean son of a bitch he was*

I was walking back home after a jolly good day at school (Ah those good old days). Spirits were high and I was looking forward to my late evening biking session. I was barely 50 meters away from my home when I spotted him alone. Grinning inwardly I picked up a stone and walked closer. Then to my sheer dismay and shock (It still gives me goose bumps) I saw that the beast was unleashed literally. Somewhere in my head Baha Men broke into Who Let the Dogs Out. But it was drowned out but a husky voice with eerie whispers of vengeance vendetta revenge retaliation blood and the like. A chill ran down my spine and I couldn’t move. Then my brain went on analyze mode. Options

(a)Pull out the 32mm and blow his brains out. *Beep Beep Red Light* Rejected. No gun.

(b)Try throwing the stone. *Beep Beep Red Light* Rejected. No idea of response and if I miss I’m dead.

(c)Try calli……..

At this precise moment he looked up, bared his teeth, gave me a sly grin, growled slightly (unverified) and pounced. Then it was all mayhem. My legs that were rooted to the ground till then started a sprint that would have put Usain Bolt to shame. But he was too fast for me (Darn relative velocity). I could almost sense his brain zeroing in on where to sink those shiny teeth. The distance came down from 5 meters to about 1 in no time, he was airborne, the leather from my bag was cutting into my skin (Okay it wasn’t that was for a dramatic effect) and I was still running. Somewhere between all this commotion (I am not able to identify exactly when), I tripped on a stone and fell and saw him sail over me, those brownish white whiskers brushing against my head. By the time he landed and recovered from the shock that his homing missiles had missed their target I was safely home. Within a second or two the neighbor came running and took the beast and comforted him. I cannot be sure but I think I caught something like “Don’t worry *static* Next chance *static* Get him *static* “.

Anyways things became normal after that except that I added a ‘butt-shaking’ step to my victory jig just to remind him of what he could have had and that I developed a long-lasting bond of hatred with dogs.

Disclaimer: No animals where harmed in writing this blog (except of course for em poor blokes who will drown due to whatever contribution this blog makes to global warming). The author extends his wholehearted support to PETA or whichever climate organization you are from as long as they have skimpy models covered with leaves. All sentences which you found discriminatory towards animals may be considered as mere droplets form the vast ocean that constitutes the author’s imagination. Damn it I’m good at writing these.

End of the reel credits

PETA- for giving us pretty girls to stare at.

Pet owners- for giving us pets to throw stones at (wtf! That was a joke).

The founder of leash-Thank you sir whoever you are.

Usain Bolt- For his celebrity appearance and for running like crazy.

Playlist

Baha Men- Who let the dogs out.

Metallica-Master of Puppets

Metallica-Battery

Metallica-One

Metallica-Overkill

Metallica-Too late Too late

Metallica-Whiplash

Movie dialogue I like: Something serious this time around. This one is from V for Vendetta -“Fairness Justice and Freedom are more than just words they are perspectives”

Love ?

It’s after much deliberation that I decided to finally pen this one (Heck don’t smile I’m serious this time around!). Mostly as I was afraid that it would turn into something absurd and lusty (even vulgar!). Now that would hurt me a lot because the whole idea of love, although alien, is something I hold very close to my heart. But then from the inside of my heart *Author deceives himself on reading the line again and promptly puts his hand inside his shirt to see if something like that* I really had to write something for all the beautiful seniors leaving college this May nay. Burp! The emo stuff ends here and the show begins!!

Disclaimer: The author does not have a girlfriend (The address for sending applications for the aforementioned post will be provided on demand, however the author is contemplating an auction of the post on e-bay.) and believes firmly that he has not experienced true love yet. He states categorically that any resemblance of any girl mentioned in the following post to anyone’s girlfriend is purely coincidental (Well the author might have spotted her from faraway but that isn’t the author’s fault now is it!). No claims or lawsuits in this matter will be appreciated (Comments are welcome though!). The author has drawn inspiration from all the movies and songs he has seen and heard till date to write the following post. Hence any similarity might not really be coincidental (But gee you can’t sue me as there is no ad-sense or money making here). *thass puss bruss chuss* Oh that was the sound of the conditionality clause being read out. Thank you!



What is true love? A question asked since time immemorial (Recently an aspiring Archaeologist, yours truly of course, discovered traces of the question in question from Neanderthal-era texts.) by an unbeknown number of us meek homosapiens who unfortunately didn’t get the chance to experience the much hyped occurrence or were simply unlucky to not have recognized it *The author pauses and thinks of that line and shakes his head. He mentally makes a note to never think about him being in that category*. I believe that I haven’t experienced true love just yet. To be honest I’ve had my fair share of oh-my-god tomato-in-the-mouth bulging-eyes moments with many girls and crushes with a few such as her (that’s my fav pic of hers). Sometimes you get a look, a nod or even a smile and sometimes you don’t. Sometimes those pretty faces remain with you for a day or two and sometimes they don’t. Then another girl comes along and the sequence continues *The author advises all those smart-asses who were smiling to themselves thinking that was love to get a cold shower and drink a hot coffee.The author smiles smugly after reading his own lines* . I feel cheated for not having been given the real deal. But as they say in The Shawshank Redemption “Hope is not a bad thing.” In the meantime however I’ve deduced exactly how I’m going to fall in love. *The author rummages around and finds the pop music DVD puts it on and gets to work*.


I am a self-confessed movie addict and I listen to many celluloid inspired singers as well hence I’m glad to announce that very unsurprisingly I have come to believe in love at first sight! and that there is someone somewhere destined to be mine. When I meet her I would know and so would she. Our eyes would meet and Ricky Martin, no wait not Ricky Martin, that would bring in a whole new dimension nay? Make that Enrique Iglesias instead. Yes Enrique would sing in the background
I can be your hero babe
I can kiss away the paint (the makeup on your cheeks i mean)
I will stand by you forever
Although at other belles I will stare
It would be absolutely picture perfect like the scene from The Godfather when Micheal Corleone meets Apollonia, like when Wall-E meets Eve. The glowering Sun would be shrouded by a blanket of silver clouds. The scene would take a light-bluish tint and the rest of the world would freeze momentarily. The air would be electric (Um yea you will be able to hear static-crackles) and then the heavens would open up drenching us! And that would be that! *The author re-reads what he has written and breaks down to convulsive and hysteric laughter*

I dedicate this one in general to all the seniors leaving us this summer and in particular to one whose absence I will probably mourn for a month (or so) although none of them stand a 1 in 1000 chance of reading this one.*Those who think they know the name of that senior are humbly requested by the author to stfu and others are requested to shout out their guesses!!*.

Keep hoping for true love and leave me a comment if you like it. I absolutely love comments you see.


End of the reel credits
To em pretty belles who are the heart and soul of this post.
To all those movies, songs and books which supplemented the lions share of it all.
e-bay and ad-sense for making celebrity appearances.

Play list
James Blunt- You Are Beautiful
Eric Clapton-Wonderful Tonight
John Mayer-Your Body Is A Wonderland
Etta James-At Last
Green Day-Wake Me Up When September Ends
Celine Dion-My Heart Will Go On
Abba-Honey Honey!(from Mamma Mia! Must listen)

Movie Dialogue I Like:
Another one from Bond. Tell me when you are fed up of Bond. This one is from Thunderball.
Money Penny: James how will you recognize her.
Bond: Couldn’t miss she has two moles on her left thigh.

And The Award Goes To...........

One of the things I really love doing is drive! The sense of cold wind gushing on your face, your hair dancing to its soft caresses, the hum of the engine akin to a tamed beast, the feeling of being in control, the split second decisions you make, well I love all of it ah its nothing but vertigo. Call me supercilious but I consider myself to be one of the better drivers on road and with much more road sense than most of the people driving about. I’ve had my close calls on road but never a ‘proper’ accident (keep praying for me people). Like this one time I and my buddy almost got pulped (Pulp: A soft moist shapeless mass of matter! Ew) by the road transport bus (um did that sound like a dialogue from American Pie). Anyways if you close your eyes to a few near misses on road I’m a fairly legendary (ahem!) driver around these parts.

Being such a seasoned campaigner on road I tackle a lot of queries on what annoys me most on roads. Mostly from people sporting pink colored “I hate/am afraid to drive” bumper stickers in their um bumpers of course. Since there were so many extremely competitive candidates vying for that coveted title I decided to take some time and allot a bit of my fabulous cerebrum so that I wouldn’t remain tongue tied the next time I field that question. Brace yourself to meet the contenders (Dear readers at this point you are supposed to get visions of a mini skirt wearing girl crooning CONTENDERS in a mic and if you cant imagine then the IPL re-runs might help.)

1. Massive Potholes: Unquestionably they have made roads a dangerous place to ride on. With the back braking (of the rider) screw spilling (of the rider and the ride) bumps they make driving hell (I swear I tried for something humorous but how long can you hide your real feelings. Sigh! )

2. Speed Breakers: The Kerala police have found a new imaginative fabulous innovative extremely smart *running out of words desperately trying to open dictionary.com which readily hangs up* idea to reduce speeding. By blocking half the road in the most heavily plied roads inside the city. It effectively causes beautiful traffic bottlenecks (I heard unconfirmed reports that these blocks are visible from the moon!) and thus wipes out speeding! Cheerio cops for coming up with that!

3. Road Transport Corp Buses: When Snoop Dog sang
“There's a killer on the road (Killer, Murder)
His brain is squirming' like a toad
Take a long holiday (holidays, holidays)
Let your children play (play)
If ya give this man a ride
Sweet family will die (Die)
Killer on the road, yeah (Killer, Murder)”

Did he by any chance mean these buses because the terror in my heart on seeing em wretched buses is mirrored exactly by those lines. *author going pale with fear and goes to take a piss*. Need I say more people?

4. Senseless drivers: Like the one I met today who rode his bike into my track and sat there smirking at me without going past why the *censored* did he ride into my track when he knew he couldn’t go anyway. Like the one I saw who swore at me and got sworn back (ah for the first time in my life I did it) for his mistake. Like all those people who ride their SUVs like they are two wheelers. Like the ones who drive without anticipation. Never mind I’m just frustrated.

5. Meaningless Honking: Well well this ladies and gentlemen is the winner!! It startles you out of the temporarily celestial existence atop your ride. It makes you shout maniacally. *Sing the next line like Shirley Bassey-Goldfinger* It beckons you to raise your middle-finger. Usually me and my buddy who usually rides with me shower the honker with the choicest expletives we can think of and believe me it’s one of the best methods to de-stress yourself.

Well this one has gotten longer than I imagined it would be. So my dear bumper sticker-ed guys don’t bother asking me the next time and drivers riding behind my 8-9-10 numbered ride please take are to honk sensibly.

End of the reel credits:
Snoop Dog (For those soulful and cheeky lyrics)
Shirley Bassey (For 2 fab Bond theme songs)
Honda (For designing my ride)
Kerala Police (For allowing me to write about their wonderful idea)
Youtube.com (for free videos)
Kerala State Road Transport Corp (For unleashing terror on road! And for nothing)

Play list:
Madonna-Die Another Day
Shirley Bassey-Goldfinger
Guns n Roses-Don’t Cry
Nancy Sinatra-You Live Only Twice
Chris Cornell-You Know My Name
Dope-Die Mofo Die
Ozzy-Bark At The Moon

Movie Dialogue I Like:
Sean Connery aka James Bond replies when asked why he always carries the gun (In Gold finger if I’m not mistaken): “Oh I have a slight inferiority complex”.

How This Blog Came To Be !

I promise you I promise u I will run away with you. She is singing to me in this beautiful tone. Her doe eyes looking into mine and her porcelain skin so close. Spinning on that dizzy edge I kissed his face and I kissed his lips *Cotton* Why is it that her lips taste cottony? I open my eyes and catch my blue flowery designed pillow smirking at me. I grope around for my phone and feel a slap on my back. “Enough sleepyhead its 11:00 already” ah Mom as always. I reluctantly get up and gaze at the bathroom mirror and find a George Clooney-ish Armani wearing rippling bicep-ed blue eyed person staring back at me *ouch* I take a step backwards rub my eyes and blink. Now the person staring back is a 20-ish, topless and has got considerably long and dirty uncut hair and a reluctantly growing beard. I brush my teeth and read the paper. The last line takes about 2 hours by the way. After that I try to get that bulb on my head glowing on how to pass time.

This is the way most of the days start during my holidays. It was on one such holiday that I got this cranky idea to start a blog. On hindsight I keep getting cranky ideas on Fridays (Yea yea I will tell you about my other cranky ideas later aye). As long as I can remember I’ve wanted to blog but every time I try to begin the whole world conspires against it. Oh gee! That line sounds so plagiarized. Truth is I have never had the patience to sit and write something meaningful and satisfactory. The force behind this blog might possibly be my friend PJCs blog (No I won’t concede). Um enough of this emo stuff. *Taking a deep breath* So now that I am finally here let me assure you that I am here to stay!

I guess its time for me to give a proper intro then. Name is Vivek. Doing my B.Tech from College of Engineering, Trivandrum. Listens to a lot of music. Watches lots of movies. Hates television. Reads almost everything I can get my hands on. Compulsive gamer mostly Counter Strike. Follows almost all sports. Um that’s about it. Those are stuff that I will possibly blog about (yea other that random bull shit that isJ).

That’s a hell lot I’ve managed to put down. That’s it for now adios amigos.

End of the reel credits:

Katie Melua (For writing beautiful songs).

PJC (For maintaining that blog of yours LoL).

All those beautiful women who have come in my dreams.

MS (No prizes for guessing the butt of the joke: P)

Play list

Katie Melua-Just Like Heaven.

Plain white Ts-Hey There Delilah.

Bryan Adams-I Wanna Be Your Underwear, Summer of 69.

Evanescence-Going Under

Guns n Roses-Paradise City, Don’t Cry

Movie dialogue I like:

Natalie Tells Lenny (who has a memory problem and keeps notes for everything a la Ghajini) in Memento: “You mix up your grocery list for your laundry list and u will end up eating your underwear”